Humans of China 人在中国 （第130）北京93岁裹小脚的老太太

Humans of China  

人在中国

Exploring China one person at a time

一次探索一个中国人

Foot binding was painful. I didn't know how to relive the pain and crying didn't help. I know because back then I cried a lot. I was eight years old and I really didn't agree but I had no choice - my mum made me. 

I can't remember the first time I bound my feet as it was a long time ago. I remember we bought pieces of long white cloth, about three feet long. After my mum bound my feet she would use a need and thread to sow the white cloth up so, I couldn't take off. She was the one who helped me wrap my feet, clean my feet and rebind them each time. The bones over time were slowly broken and my feet were full of painful infections. I slept in my shoes and socks and there were many sleepless nights. My mother had smaller feet than mine and my grandmother had even smaller feet than my mother and me.

Her feet were only around three inches long. Men would only marry women who had small feet back then so I think I know why my mum wanted to bind my feet. She was worried I wouldn't be able to find a husband. Everyone had, and I think wanted small feet back then in order to marry. I never wanted to bind the feet of my daughters though. China had banned the practice anyway and it was illegal at that time. I now live with my son and every day my daughter rides her bike for around 20 minutes to come and take care of me at home. Everyday she'll make dumplings for me to eat, cleans the house for us and she still helps me clean bind my feet. If I don't bind my feet now then I find it really uncomfortable and I can't sleep well. I can no longer walk alone and the shoes that I've made are useless as I don't need to wear them anymore. I think bound feet are quite pretty especially with shoes and a dress but I think when they are bare they are quite ugly. 

These days I care most about my family especially my children. When I was 25, the same year as my mother passed away I saw the Japanese. They didn't kill anyone that I knew but they stole our pigs, chickens and sheep which they killed, cooked and ate. They were very rich and they had cars, bikes, trucks, guns and translators. I can't remember what the soldiers looked like exactly as whenever I saw them I dare not look. I never had the chance to study even though my uncle was a teacher. They told us there was no point for girls to study and it would have been a waste of time. I married when I was 25 years old, later than others for that time and gave birth to my first child when I was 27. We had four daughters and two sons. The marriage was arranged and I didn't know the man who I was about to marry. My dad made an arrangement with his family that when we marry his family will let my family keep all the land we owned which they agreed on. We had around 200 acres of land to farm and my family at the time were quite well off. 

I was happy to marry him and I thought he was very handsome. He treated me well but he died about 20 years ago. Life was tough and we were both farmers. We grew corn and after it dried I'd have to grind the corn at the mill. We had to work hard even with small feet. I never had any dreams when I was a little girl about what I wanted to do when I grew older as I knew from a young age the only thing I really could be was a farmer. We lived in a small house with a tiled roof but after some time we managed to refurbished the house which was much bigger and more comfortable. It's the house I still live in now and is where my husband and I lived together for some time. 

During the 1960's and 1970's our family was working class so life wasn't too bad and we were not affected too much unlike some others. Whatever we grew we ate but if we didn't grow crops then we'd starve. Luckily we never went hungry. I was also very good around the house. I could cook for many people, clean and I was good a making shoes and clothes. Throughout my life, I didn't have many happy times but now, I am just glad I don't have to work as hard as I worked before. Growing crops, preparing food, and raising kids and grandkids throughout the four generations of my family wasn't easy. I also don't have many sad times either as before when life was tough for others it wasn't too bad for us. This year I am 93 years old. I'm not scared of dying but I would like to live as long as possible, maybe until I'm 200 years old but I don't think that is possible. I look forward to Spring Festival when everyone visits and the more people that visit the happier I am. I love to see other people feel happy and even more so when it's my family.

Beijing

裹脚很疼。我不知道怎么能不那么疼，但是我知道哭是于事无补，我当时裹脚时候经常哭，但是还是很疼。我八岁时候已经裹脚了，我自己不想裹，但是没得选择，我妈妈逼我裹。我具体记不清什么时候开始裹脚的，时间太久了，但是我记得我们当时买很长的白布，每块布大概有3尺长，我妈妈每次给我裹好脚之后用针线把布缝起来，不让我摘下来。我妈妈当时帮我把脚裹起来，帮我洗脚再裹起来。时间裹久了，脚上的骨头慢慢都断了，我的脚感染过很多次。我晚上穿着鞋袜睡觉，经常睡不着。我妈妈的脚比我的还小，我奶奶的脚比我妈妈的更小，她的脚真的只有三寸左右。当时男人只会娶小脚的女人，我理解我妈妈为什么给我裹脚，她很担心我找不到丈夫。当时每个人都是小脚也都想要小脚，我一直都不想给我的女儿裹脚，所幸后来中国禁止裹脚，裹脚属于非法活动。现在和我儿子住一起，我女儿每天都过来看我照顾我，她骑自行车过来大概20分钟左右。她每天给我包饺子吃，帮我打扫房子还帮我裹脚。我现在如果不裹脚的话，感觉很难受，晚上也睡不好，我不能自己走路，我自己以前做的鞋子也没用了，不需要再穿它们了。我觉得裹的小脚在穿上鞋子配上裙子的时候很好看，但是光脚很丑。我现在很关心我的家人，特别是我的孙子孙女们，我希望他们快乐健康，看到他们开心我也就很开心。我25岁的时候，我妈妈过世了。

我在我们家附近看过日本兵，他们没有杀过我认识的人，但是我知道他们偷我们的猪、鸡还有羊，他们偷了之后就杀了煮了吃。他们很有钱，有汽车、自行车、卡车、枪还有翻译。我记不清那些士兵具体长什么样子了，因为我从来不敢看他们。虽然我叔叔是名老师，但是我从来没读过书。当时大人们说女孩子读书没有用，是浪费。我结婚的时候25岁，比其他女孩子迟，我27岁的时候有了第一个孩子，我总共生了4个女儿2个儿子。我的婚姻是包办的，我当时不知道自己要嫁的男人是谁，但是我爸爸和他家人安排好了，他家人同意只要我嫁给他们的儿子，我父母就能保留我们当时有的那些地。我们家当时大概有200亩的地，算很富裕的，但其实我们本质是农民。我很高兴能够嫁给他，我觉得他很帅，他对我也很好，但是他20年前去世了。生活很不容易，我们当时都是农民，我们种玉米，等玉米收割晾干后，我就用磨把玉米磨碎。虽然我小脚干活不方便，我们当时必须得工作。

我从小就没有梦想，不知道自己长大想成干吗，因为我很小的时候就知道我唯一可能成为的就是农民。我们住在小房子里面，房顶是瓦铺的，我们后来重新装修了房子，住起来比以前舒服了很多。我现在住的房子是我和我丈夫以前住过的地方。文革的时候，我们家属于工薪家庭，所以日子还不错，我们没有像别人家受那么大的影响。我们自己种的庄稼自己吃，如果自己不种地，就会饿肚子，但是我们从来没饿过肚子。我家务活很拿手，能给很多人做饭，还能打扫卫生，我还很擅长做鞋子做衣服。我这辈子没有很多快乐的时光，但是我现在很开心，因为现在不用像以前那样辛苦地工作。种庄稼、准备食物、抚养孩子和孙子孙女、照顾四代人。我这辈子也没有很多特别难过的日子，以前日子困难的时候，我们家也还好。我今年93岁了，我不怕死，但是我想尽量再活长一点，想活到200岁，但是我觉得应该是不可能的。我期待过春节，大家都来看我，来看我的人越多我就越开心。我很喜欢看别人快乐，特别是喜欢看我家人开心快乐。

北京

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